TARDIS on the Train
by TheGame32
Summary: A series of short stories in which the Doctor turns up anywhere BUT Gallifrey. nearly done. In between Trial of a time lord and time and the Rani.
1. Chapter 1

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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter, or Doctor who, and neither does my D0o&

'Where's Hermione?' asked Ron

'Dunno. She said she was going to find an empty compartment.' answered Harry, indicating the fat seventh-year that was sleeping on the opposite side.

'He reminds me of Dudley.'

'Oh please Harry, Dudley looks like a stick-insect compared to this one.'

'Well, if you two have quite finished, I have found us an empty compartment. If you would care to come.' Hermione grabbed crooshanks and the two boys followed quickly.

They walked to the end of the train, into a dusty old compartment with a cracked window. Harry went to slide the door open, but to no avail. It was stuck. Ron also grabbed the door, and then Hermione. Finally, the door squeaked open and all three of them crashed in, with Ron at the bottom and Hermione on top with a rather disgruntled Harry in the middle.

'Well I can see why nobody wanted this one.' Muttered Ron

'If you'd rather go back to porky...' Snapped Hermione

They decided to stay.

No one was really in the mood for talking, it was raining hard outside and it seemed like a boring day on the Hogwarts Express.

Suddenly, there was an odd rushing noise, and an old London Police box materialised just outside their compartment. Out came an odd character, with wild blond curls and a colourful patchwork jacket. He was holding an umbrella, which was as colourful as his coat. He had a pin of a black cat on his coat. He looked rather lost and shaken.

'Um, excuse me, could you please tell me what planet I'm on?' He asked pleasantly

The three just stared. Finally Hermione worked up the courage to speak.

'What planet, sir? Don't you mean what country?'

'No, no, no. Planet. I need a planet.'

'Earth. Sir.'

'Earth? Doctor? I thought we were going to Gallifrey...Which part of Earth are we?' asked a Black haired young woman, emerging from the Police box.

'Peri, we ran into a problem. Now go back inside until I know it's safe.'

All this time, Hermione was staring wide-eyed and Harry was in danger of drooling.

Ron had his eyes screwed shut in fear.

'Make them go away Hermione please make them go away.' He cried softly.

The Doctor, as he was called, smiled gently at the three children. He took in the surroundings.

'Is this near England? Yes? Ok, that's good. My TARDIS is temperamental. Even I, a Time Lord have troubles. Well, we were off track by quite a bit, but I'd best be off. Have fun, wherever you're going. Bye!'

'Doctor, can't we stay awhile? I like Earth.'

'You can stay if you like. Meanwhile I am going to Gallifrey. I'm sure these three' He indicated Harry, Ron and Hermione 'Won't mind.'

He smiled at the again, and disappeared into the thing he called a TARDIS. The woman named Peri followed reluctantly, rolling her eyes.

As the TARDIS dematerialised, Hermione turned to face her friends.

'Wow! That was a _Time Lord_. Oh, I've read all about them, that have the ability to travel through time in those things they call the TARDIS oh I was reading about them last summer, it's very interesting you know, did you know that they have these enemies called the Daleks, and they are like machines, except...'

Ron was already asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own House and neither does my dog.

House was in a better mood than usual. Which was not saying much, for the normal civilian it would have been a rotten mood. His mouth was twisted in one of the many scowls that he was capable of. He sat in his office with his feet up on his desk, head tilted backwards and eyes closed. One might think he was sleeping, had it not been for the cane he was spinning idly in his right hand.

The sound of someone running through his door shattered his enchanted reverie. There was an odd man running through his door. He had a wild mass of blond curls and was wearing a bright, colourful patchwork jacket. With him was a rather bewildered woman with shoulder-length wavy brown hair. Outside stood an odd blue shape.

'Looks like you picked up more than clothing from the opp shop today.' Smirked House.

'Hello. I am the Doctor. This is my traveling companion, Peri. We were on our way to Gallifrey, but it seems that we keep ending up on earth. Could you help us? I need to repair my TARDIS.'

'Doctor? Why don't you fix it yourself, then? I'm busy.' He lay back in his seat again, and closed his eyes.

'Busy? _Busy?_' Cried the Doctor 'The day you are busy is the day I feed my umbrella to a Gumblejack.'

'Good day to you, Mr. Doctor Gumblejack man. Go and get yourself some decent clothing.'

The Doctor looked around desperately for a way to get some help. In desperation he pounded his fists down on Houses' desk and shouted

'WAKE UP YOU IMBECILE!'

House jerked in surprise, and promptly fell out of his seat. There was a loud crash, as months of undone paperwork and a few suspiciously empty bottles fell to the floor. Peri jumped.

'Doctor?' she whispered

'Yes?' answered The Doctor

'What do you want?' Growled House from his rather compromising position.

'Where are we?'

'Let's go. I'd rather take my chances in the TARDIS than here with this person.'

They were about to get into the TARDIS when Peri asked

'Doctor, where _are _we?'

The Doctor took a glance at House, sprawled on the floor and sighed.

'I was rather sure that it looked like a hospital for the _physically_ ill, but now I'm not sure.'


	3. Chapter 3

Inside the Gryffindor common room, it was nearing Christmas, and the only three people left in Gryffindor were Harry, Ron and Hermione. Everyone else was on holiday. Ron and Hermione were playing exploding snap, and Harry was desperately trying to fix a stray twig on his firebolt. No matter how hard he squeezed the clippers, the twig would not break off.

Suddenly, there was a whooshing noise, and the Police Box materialised again. But this time, something was definitely wrong. Smoke was streaming out from under the door, and there were numerous burn marks all over it. The door opened, emitting even more smoke, and the man that called himself The Doctor staggered out, coughing and carrying his friend, whose name was Peri. He dumped her quickly onto a couch, and collapsed on all fours, gasping. The three Gryffindors simply stared. The Doctors' hair and coat were singed, and his necktie had come loose and fallen off. Ron was the first to speak.

'Are you... are you that Clock Man?'

'Time Lord.' Hissed Hermione

'Yes.' The Doctor pulled himself into a seat. He lay back, and closed his eyes wearily. 'The TARDIS has been tampered with. Somebody doesn't want us at Gallifrey. It was on fire a second ago. I put it out, but Peri fainted.'

'What are you going to do?' asked Harry.

'Hmmm?' The Doctor's eyes snapped open. 'Oh yes. The TARDIS. Well, I shall have to repair it. I will only be a couple of days. I'll try not to trouble you. But please don't act like that awful man with the cane.' He shuddered. 'I hope it's not a problem to you.'

'Oh no, not a problem at all having a massive blue box in the middle of our common room, with some demented multicoloured freak and his lab assistant. Not a problem at all.' Muttered Ron.


	4. Chapter 4

Over the next few days, the Doctor stayed in the Griffindor common room, working on the TARDIS in the day, and sleeping on the couch at night. Peri, however, stayed in the girls dormitory.  
In the evening of the fourth day, he emerged from the TARDIS triumphant.

'I've fixed everything' He exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear.

'What was wrong?' Ron seemed to have gotten over his phobia.

'Something caused a rather catastrophic meltdown of the...'

'Oh, and say it in comprehensible english, please.'

'The...' The Doctor seemed to be struggling 'Wires got... Fried?' He stuttered.

'That's probably least confusing thing he's ever said.' Muttered Peri.

'Let's go.' The Doctor paused at the door of the TARDIS, and smiled at the three Griffindors.

'Until we meet again.'


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not won Lord Of the Rings and neither does my dog.

'Come on, Legolas, I'll race you to that hill.'

'Oh, up for riding are we now, Gimli?'

'Ooooh, you just see, you silly elf. Heeeyah!' And with that he dug his heels into the pony he was riding. Legolas was quick to follow.

'Oh my God, what is this wind going to do to my perfectly straightened hair?' Thought Legolas.

Just as their horses (or horse and pony) had nearly gotten up the hill, a strange blue box materialised on the top. The elf and the dwarf Drew their weapons and dismounted.

'What is it, Gimli?'

'I could ask you the same question.'

A door opened, and a man stormed out, muttering obscenities that not only are in a different language but also are too vulgar for me to put here. He slammed the door shut and kicked the box, and stubbed his toe.

'Ouch! This stupid...' and He went off again, cursing.

He had a mass of blond curls, and was wearing a shirt with red question marks on the collar, a tartan waistcoat and yellow pants with black pinstripes. This, of course was the Doctor. But the middle earth people don't know that, now, do they?

Timidly, a woman with shoulder length brown hair poked her head out the door. This was Perpugilliam 'Peri' Brown. And a very scared Peri, as well; she had never seen the Doctor so angry.

'Doctor?'

'What?' He demanded roughly. Then he suddenly seemed to snap out of his rage, and turned to her.

'I'm sorry.' He apologised, and turned to the elf, and the dwarf.

'Hello!' He exclaimed. 'I am the Doctor, and this here is Peri. We were headed for Gallifrey, but this obviously is not Gallifrey, so we'll just be...'

'My God.' Thought Legolas. 'He's hot.'

'Erm...' Said Legolas 'Greetings to you. Doctor. What a lovely name.'

He took his horse in next to the Doctor and leaned down to whisper

'Would you like to come back to my place?'

The Doctor backed slowly into the TARDIS, pulling Peri in and locked the door.

'I think we'd better stay here for the time being. I think that someone doesn't want us at Gallifrey. But what's going on there that is no important that i can't see?'

'Doctor, I think that man was hitting on you.'

'I know that, Peri.'

Outside:

'My God.' Thought Gimli, 'Legolas is Gay.'


	6. Chapter 6

In the TARDIS, Peri had gone to her room, leaving the doctor to think things over by himself. He was lying on the floor of the control room, with his eyes closed. At a first glance he seemed to be sleeping. But a closer look would show that his lips were moving silently, and that he breathing was too fast to be asleep. He was on the astral plane, trying to find some answer as to why the TARDIS couldn't get to Gallifrey. He tried everyone he could think of, but finally settled for his next incarnation. He was older, with a slightly receding hairline and a distinct scottish accent

'So, what am I supposed to do?'

'Well... I'm not sure that I should tell me. Although I do remember when I was you that I told myself what you, I mean I was meant to be doing, so I suppose I'm supposed to tell me. You. Us.'

'Quite. I see that rambling is something that I pick up later on.'

'Least I know how to smile.'

'Motormouth.'

'Sourpuss.'

'Circus man.'

'Speak for yourself and your blond mop.'

'I'm leaving now. Ferret Trousers.'

'Then you won't be knowing how to get out of this mess.'

The younger of the two shook his head, making his curls bob around, and sighed.

'Out with it, then.'

'Well, I'm not going to give you everything, but I'll just say that our TARDIS will be fully funtional in a day. So... just hang around. Or go see where else she takes you. I of course knmow exactly what you'll do. I'll do. We'll do.'

'Oh, you ugly Scotts GIT!'

'Oh, you mop headed clown-garbed limey SOD!' Laughed the older man, tipping his straw hat and severing the connection.

The younger doctor sat up in the TARDIS, and contemplated going to his room to sulk for a day.  
Instead, he went and punched in coordinates for Gallifrey, and went to get Peri, to see where they would end up.

Somewhere, light years away, in the future, a scottish man wearing a straw hat and a grin took out two spoons, and began to play them to a young lady by the name of Ace, recalling his former self, and chuckling at the annoyance he had just caused him. Himself. Theirself.

A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this.

Too much fun, some might say.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Van Helsing and neither does my dog.

The Doctor paced back and forth in front of the door, clicking a pen, listening to the familiar whirr of the TARDIS. Where would he end up now? He considered Peri. But she wouldn't even open the door for him. He could hear her mumbling. Perhaps she was talking in her sleep. He decided to go outside this time, on his own. He put his pen into on of his multicoloured pockets, and stepped outside.

Outside, it was dark. Cold. He shivered, and drew his jacket tightly around himself. As he carefully locked the door behind him, he heard voices screaming.

'Vampires!'

And, just as they had said, there were three of them, females, flying around, cackling.

The TARDIS was ignored in the commotion.

A man aimed a crossbow carefully. He was almost smothered in black clothing, with a black hat angled down low enough to conceal his eyes. The three vampires went straight for the Doctor. After all, he was garbed brightly enough to be used by aeroplanes to navigate in stormy weather.

A woman with long, curly hair ran towards them with a sword in her hand, but it was too late. One of the vampires had reached the Doctor, and lifted him by the hair into the sky. Instantly, pain shot through his scalp. Screaming, he stuffed his hand into his pocket, and felt around for the pen. Sure enough, it was there. He clicked it once, and stabbed it into the Vampire's leg. She screeched, and let go of him. He was suddenly faced with another dilemma.

The ground was coming towards him. Fast.

'Bugger.'

However, there was a convenient pile of sacks, so he lay there a while, panting, trying to get his breath back.

It was over within minutes. The man in the hat had dipped his crossbow into holy water, and shot one of the vampires.

The other two had flown off, crying 'Marishka!'

The Doctor closed his eyes. His breathing had eased, and he was listening to what was going on.

The villagers were angered at the vampire's death, for they knew that it would be avenged. However, the woman pointed out that nobody had killed a vampire in a hundred years. That managed to sway the crowd.

The Doctor hummed softly to himself.

The man in the hat, the woman and a small friar came over to him.

'But Van Helsing,' the friar was mumbling 'what if he's dangerous?'

'What kind of a dangerous person dresses like a circus tent and stands in the middle of a vampire attack like a statue until something happens to him?'

The three stopped in front of where he lay, still humming gently.

The man in the hat prodded him gently.

'How did you free yourself?'

The Doctor's eyes flew open, and he grinned.

'The pen is mightier than the sword.'


	8. Chapter 8

A/N

This isn't a particularly funny chapter, sort of an in-between chapter. I'm nearly done.

Just one more chapter to go.

Ahem.

The three people left him alone after that, for which the Doctor was grateful. He lay there on the pile of sacks for a few minutes, eyes closed, listening to the sounds of silence. He suddenly remembered Peri, and leapt up. He ran to the TARDIS, and heard a thunping noise coming form the inside. He also heard a voice.

'HELP! Doctor!'

Muttering under his breath in Gallifreyan, he unlocked the door, tripped and fell on top of a rather angry Peri.

'Oops.'

He spent the rest of the day waiting for tomorrow. He tried to read, but that was no good, his mind was too proccupied with what might be waiting for him at Gallifrey. Not another trial, he hadn't been doing THAT much in the way of meddling. He took to wandering down the innumerable corridors of the TARDIS, lost in thought. Peri stayed in her room and didn't come out. He noticed that she was doing a lot of that in the past few days.

He found an old recorder and tried out a few tunes halfheartedly. He managed a pitiful rendition of 'mary had a little lamb' before he took to his wanderings again.

He wandered late into the night - being a Time Lord, he didn't need to sleep much - and into the wee hours of the morning.

Morning.

Yes!

He ran down the corridors for fifteen minutes, retracing his steps and finally arriving at Peri's room.

'Peri!' He gasped, out of breath, leaning against the door 'We can go to Gallifrey now!'

The door opened, and the Doctor lost his balance and toppled, falling into Peri's room.

This time, Peri had the presence of mind to step aside as the Doctor made contact with the floor.


End file.
